im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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