One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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