I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
