she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
