The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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