The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
