i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
