Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
