using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
