The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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