Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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