Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
