i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
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her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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