if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize