This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
