i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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