that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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