im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
