The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
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His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
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I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.