Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks