so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.