do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
