Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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