wrigley field is MILF paradise
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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