Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
this just has baby written all over it
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
FUCK WHALES
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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