ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
