im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
