We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Is Oprah even human
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
