I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
