Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize