Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Im part way to drunk.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
