Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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