dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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