Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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