That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
