She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
