apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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