Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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