So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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