i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
