Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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