Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
