I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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