Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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