i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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