you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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