So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
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