this just has baby written all over it
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
