you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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