Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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