i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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