I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
His nipple licking is glorious
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