all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
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He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
did you just send me my own nude
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?