If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?