My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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