I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
