butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
