you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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