I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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