i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
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He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
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I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize