Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We were destined to go to rehab together
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
