Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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