I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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