Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
