Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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