come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
