I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
