so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
