I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
