i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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