just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
