We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
