Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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