I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
