I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
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Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
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it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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