I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
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I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
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I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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