sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
