My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize