There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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