since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
