just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Come on in and take your pants off
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