my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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