Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Is Oprah even human
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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