I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
